Desperate Households

Posted by Perry


DESPERATE HOUSEHOLDS
MARRIED, BUT NOT BEST FRIENDS
SONG OF SOLOMON 5:16

(sermon notes for Sunday Morning 11/1/09)

Can U say spouse is Best Friend?
God joins 2 into 1flesh…

· more than lovers
· joining hearts
· joining dreams
· joining thoughts
· best friends
Son 5:16 His mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.
Ladies – no relationship should come close to that U have w/ Husband
· children
· girlfriends
· another man
Men – no relationship should come close to that U have w/ Wife
· buddy
· coworker
· hunting partner
· memb. Tree house fort
· secret club
It’s not “automatic” b/c you…
· exchange vows
· trade rings
· swap spit
Major cause of lack of friendship in marriage is premarital sex in dating!
· physical takes priority over
o romantic
o dating relationship
o friendship stops growing
COMPANIONSHIP [my loved one, my friend]
Ill: Guy likes golf/Girl likes 2 workout
Like each other so try others interest
Get married/take other for granted
Companionship not that important
He plays golf & she works out
Don’t really like each other’s interest
Guy meet girl on golf course…
Girl meets guy at the gym…
Divorce next step…found someone to be married to and be their friend!
· How do U spend ur leisure time?
o Going different directions?
o Recipe for disaster
COMPANIONSHIP IMPORTANT B/C…
#1 Unhealthy for married person to spend the most enjoyable moments of their life in the company of someone else.
· why get married if…
o just want to hang out w/ the guys all the time
o gals want to talk on phone to gal friends and shop till they drop all the time
o if all u need in spare time is tv anyway why the spouse?
· ask God to give you common interests
#2 Because pursuing your own interests without your spouse demonstrates selfishness
#3 Because this will lead to a fulfilling marriage.
· happier as a give not a taker
· must have fun together to associate happiness together
#4 Because shared experiences lead to shared feelings
· if God made 2 into 1 makes sense those 2 will do things together often!
CONVERSATION [mouth is most sweet]
Not bubblegum flavored lip gloss…
Sweet in what comes out of their mouth…WORDS!
#1 What do close friends do?
· share themselves w/ each other
· confide in each other
· learn more about each other
· discuss their innermost thoughts, ideas, and goals w/ each other
Typically, women have greater need for conversation than men do.
Helps her feel united & bonded…also loved and cared for.
#2 Goal of courtship is 2 fold:
· get to know each other better
· convey how much we love each other
#3 Why do couples stop talking?
· too busy with work
· different interests
· selfishness
· fighting
#4 Enemies of good conversation
· Using words as punishment
· Using words to force agreement
· Dwelling on mistakes, past or present
#5 Friends of good conversation
· Undivided attention
· Giving a response
· Respecting their opinion
· Speaking in love w/ kindness
· Talking just to talk
· Positive praising
#6 Benefits of conversing:
· clearer understanding of each other
· learn how to meet each other’s needs
· become best friends
COMMITMENT [altogether desirable]
#1 Commitment to Sacrifice
· lay down life for our friends
#2 Commitment to Closeness
· doesn’t happen by accident…only on purpose
· rate closeness to your spouse on scale of 1 to 10 (write on bulletin, don’t let other see it…show it)
o national average – guys write 8, gals write 2
o marriages don’t “fall” apart, they “drift” apart
#3 Commitment to honesty
· 3 types of liars

o born liar
o band-aid liar
o protector liar
#4 Commitment to Prayer
1Pe 3:7 In a similar way, you husbands must live with your wives in an understanding manner, as with a most delicate vessel. Honor them as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing may interfere [exscind – cut out] with your prayers.
#5 Commitment to a Good Spirit
· Women need attention
o Men need admiration
· Women need love
o Men need respect
· Women want leadership
o Men want a following

Pro 2:16 To take you out of the power of the strange woman, who says smooth words with her tongue;
· 3 ways to never change your husband:
o nagging
o criticizing
o physical punishment (i.e. w/holding sex)
· How husbands can respond…
o Clam up
o Blow up
o Give up 60% of marriages today prove this
#6 Commitment to Unconditional Love
“It’s not love that sustains your commitment…it’s commitment that sustains your love.”



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